Kyle and I have got married young. (23 to be exact.)We have no regrets. It's not like there was anyone else. But it is kind of funny when I hear of a kid getting married right out of college, and my first reaction is "really? are you sure? I mean...you're only 22 0r 23..." I guess we were kids. But one of us had moved across the world to do be with the other one. And that other one had been brave enough to ask her to. So, recently I had a thought as the possibility of Kyle being on trial for the two weeks loomed. Do I dread him being gone because I just got too damn dependent on him? I mean, I never did the live on your own thing. I kind of did my last year of college, but it was in a dorm type arrangements, where I ended up knowing all the other students anyway. So it doesn't really count. I have never functioned as an adult without him. That frightens me. For many reasons and the primary one being that terrible thought...what would I do if something happened to.....? We're just not going to go there today. (Or anytime in the near future I hope.) The daft thing is that when he's not around, I cope fine. I'm organized, I make good decisions (usually), I moved country for dammits sake. But when he's leaving, I fall to pieces. A very good friend, who is adapt at seeing silver linings to clouds, has this perfect lining for me; my apprehension shows that Kyle and I have a good partnership. She pointed out that it would be way worse if I didn't give a shit he was leaving. "Bon voyage kid...see you in a couple of weeks!" With not a thought or care in the world. Let alone the kind of thoughts and cares that usually take on the shape of "oh fuck,,,what do I do if someone gets sick in the night (I hate puke), and how will I get so and so to skating while the baby naps? Or how do I pick someone up when we are all (cause there's no Kyle) present to organize the Christmas pageant rehearsal at church for the pre-school religious education program I am co-chairing this year..." (Yes, I am the church lady.) Did I mention the class the finally ends in the middle of all this chaos, so there's a huge paper due?! Those types of thoughts invade my head, settle in with a suitcase, and don't leave until Kyle gets back.
But, can the idea of a good partnership mask the real issue here? That I am supposed to cope by myself. Women before me have, and women after me will continue to do so. So what's wrong with me? Sometimes I think I lack the American can-do spirit. But what if that attitude can create rifts between couples.....like you end up not needing your partner. Cause you are so good at coping without them. I don't want to be like that! I just want to be cool as a cucumber. "Sure, I can handle it honey. Go...I'll miss you something awful, but we'll be fine...it'll be fine." I want to know that when the shit (or the in-my-head-fear puke) hits the fan, I'll be totally OK. I mean, I've done this before. With a far younger baby than we have now. And two older kids....who actually, are really, really helpful with the aforementioned baby/toddler. It's just the thought of it. I think the thought of it is more frightening than the reality. Because reality, as ever, just sets in and life goes on.
So, I suppose I don't know if it's me being a complete girl or if it's that Kyle and I are a good team. If I think it's the former, then I feel like a complete loser. If I think it's the latter, I feel like a complete loser. (Yes, I know that was supposed to be the silver lining...but I still buy into that I should be able to do it all -and more- attitude.) The other option of course is to get out of the rat race, buy a farm somewhere in the middle of nowhere and have cows and corn to worry about instead of trials.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
On Thanksgiving
What a great holiday. One that I am perfectly comfortable with adopting. One that still has managed to retain the true spirit of the actual holiday without being tainted by commercialism. (Unless you count the butter that is carved into the shape of a turkey....but I suppose that more novelty than commercialism?) It's a perfect way to start the holiday season, when much of the spirit of the actual holiday gets lost in the whirlwind of events and retail stress. But I digress....
What makes me smile (or on meaner days, wonder how stupid a person could actually be), is when people ask if England has Thanksgiving. Hmmmm. Lets just take a moment to let that question sink in. Does England have Thanksgiving? (Silence.)
On a good day, I smile and say no, we don't (poor us right?), we just have Harvest festival in September (What's that? Good question. Goggle it.) On meaner days, what I really want to say is (ear muffs now) "WTF?? Are you kidding me? Did you not pay attention in school? Even I know the history of thanksgiving and I'm a f&*#ing immigrant...."and so on and so forth.
So, I have been thinking about why people ask the question in the first place. I think it's for a few reasons, and please, descendants of the May Flower, feel free to help me out.
First, you LOVE thanksgiving so much, you can't envisage a place where the great Turkey Day doesn't exist. I mean, what do English people do the on the last Thursday in November? No turkey? (Not until Christmas) No football ? (Just the real kind where we kick the ball - football?) No pumpkin pie? (Again, no....but just wait until Christmas...our boozy desserts will knock your socks off!) Second, the histories of our two countries are so intertwined that at times maybe it's hard to know who keeps what sacred and who celebrates what. But funnily, no one seems to ask if we celebrate the Fourth of July. And both holidays have similar roots...the desire to the escape persecution and the shackles of the British monarchy. Is the violent aspect of the War of Indepence that makes the reasons for the holiday more obvious? Or is it that the justifications for that war are reiterated again and again? And rightly so. While the emphais in the Thanksgiving story semes to be the struggle of the pilgrims, the poverty and near-death during a harsh winter in an unknown land, the help and support of the native people, and the beginnings of a country that embraces freedom of worship and speech. Third, and this is perhaps the most cynical of the three ideas - that America is still a wee bit isolationist. Just a bit. I mean, I can understand why...Europe is far away. Why would you know what goes on in November in a tiny little, damp island? America is SO damn big, that it's hard to keep straight on what's going on in twenty five of the states, let alone all fifty....so no hope for the rest of the world. Unless you are talking Royal weddings. Then you guys are more updated than I am.
Anyway, I guess the question just tickles me. I am sure that I sound obnoxious for even giggling about it. I mean, British people wouldn't know, for example, why Americans even celebrate Thanksgiving. (A little side-trip here...in English education, they seem to gloss over the whole period in history where Britain started to loose British citizens to the colonies. They actually omit the whole period of enlightenment - unless you go to university - and skip right from one Golden Age (the Elizabethans) to another; the Victorians. Strange that. Denial perhaps?)
Regardless, I shall happily brine, roast, and serve my turkey for my American family tomorrow. The boys and I will hang our homemade Thanksgiving decorations. And we will be truly thankful for family, friends, and life itself.
What makes me smile (or on meaner days, wonder how stupid a person could actually be), is when people ask if England has Thanksgiving. Hmmmm. Lets just take a moment to let that question sink in. Does England have Thanksgiving? (Silence.)
On a good day, I smile and say no, we don't (poor us right?), we just have Harvest festival in September (What's that? Good question. Goggle it.) On meaner days, what I really want to say is (ear muffs now) "WTF?? Are you kidding me? Did you not pay attention in school? Even I know the history of thanksgiving and I'm a f&*#ing immigrant...."and so on and so forth.
So, I have been thinking about why people ask the question in the first place. I think it's for a few reasons, and please, descendants of the May Flower, feel free to help me out.
First, you LOVE thanksgiving so much, you can't envisage a place where the great Turkey Day doesn't exist. I mean, what do English people do the on the last Thursday in November? No turkey? (Not until Christmas) No football ? (Just the real kind where we kick the ball - football?) No pumpkin pie? (Again, no....but just wait until Christmas...our boozy desserts will knock your socks off!) Second, the histories of our two countries are so intertwined that at times maybe it's hard to know who keeps what sacred and who celebrates what. But funnily, no one seems to ask if we celebrate the Fourth of July. And both holidays have similar roots...the desire to the escape persecution and the shackles of the British monarchy. Is the violent aspect of the War of Indepence that makes the reasons for the holiday more obvious? Or is it that the justifications for that war are reiterated again and again? And rightly so. While the emphais in the Thanksgiving story semes to be the struggle of the pilgrims, the poverty and near-death during a harsh winter in an unknown land, the help and support of the native people, and the beginnings of a country that embraces freedom of worship and speech. Third, and this is perhaps the most cynical of the three ideas - that America is still a wee bit isolationist. Just a bit. I mean, I can understand why...Europe is far away. Why would you know what goes on in November in a tiny little, damp island? America is SO damn big, that it's hard to keep straight on what's going on in twenty five of the states, let alone all fifty....so no hope for the rest of the world. Unless you are talking Royal weddings. Then you guys are more updated than I am.
Anyway, I guess the question just tickles me. I am sure that I sound obnoxious for even giggling about it. I mean, British people wouldn't know, for example, why Americans even celebrate Thanksgiving. (A little side-trip here...in English education, they seem to gloss over the whole period in history where Britain started to loose British citizens to the colonies. They actually omit the whole period of enlightenment - unless you go to university - and skip right from one Golden Age (the Elizabethans) to another; the Victorians. Strange that. Denial perhaps?)
Regardless, I shall happily brine, roast, and serve my turkey for my American family tomorrow. The boys and I will hang our homemade Thanksgiving decorations. And we will be truly thankful for family, friends, and life itself.
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