Today I finished my last piece of my Master's degree. Finished editing it. (I had APA by the way.) Finished printing 4 copies of each 60 pages. (Hate printers too.) Stacked them all. Clipped them. Slipped them in folders. Delivered them to 2 out of 4 of the professors on my committee. No matter that the other two don't have it until monday; it's gone. Can't be changed or edited. They review it and then, after an oral defense next Wednesday, they decide whether to pass me. Despite not really being done until the oral is over, I thought giving in the project would give me a sense of relief. I kept waiting, as I drove away from the university, for the little black cloud that has been hovering over my head the last couple of days, would lift. But it didn't. If anything, it sunk in lower behind my eyes and gave me a migraine. What the hell. Five years of work. (OK, I took a year and half of, but I was not eating bonbons. I was taking care of a new baby!)
All I am left with is tiredness (and that headache). I think when I was finishing my undergrad, I had so much more energy. To go celebrate. To drink, to dance and to just feel light and free. Dammit. I don't have those inclinations or feelings as I creep closer to my forties. I just want to have a drink (that's all the celebrating I can manage) and crawl into bed!
As I walked into the building to deliver one of the copies to my advisor, I bumped into my old advisor. This particular professor got me started, gave me warnings about juggling a family and graduate work. Shirley Morgenthaler became my inspiration. She is one of those people that when conversing with, the discussion touches upon everything - where you came from, where you are, and where you might go. The conversations are fantastic. I found it significant that it was Shirley, that I saw, on the day I finished. And in true Dr. Morgenthaler fashion, when I told her I was indeed finished with the project that she had helped plant the seed for, she exclaimed, "Lord be praised"!
Congratulations, Rachel!! Finishings can come with so many feelings. And doing a masters is a much lonelier process than doing a bachelors degree - I bet you had lots more co-students to party with then!! And fewer children keeping you awake at night too... I bet that feeling of relief will come. Maybe at your graduation party. Maybe when you don't expect it. Maybe next January when you realise you don't have to study anymore!!! But WELL DONE - you
ReplyDeleteCompleted a huge task!!! Yay!!! And good luck on your oral defense!