On Parenthood

Well. Where to start? I remember how clueless and deliciously oblivious I was to the hard work that goes into raising a family. My sister started her family before me and I now cringe at how completely ignorant I was to how hard it was for her. I was always willing to help out - babysitting, sleeping over when her husband was out of town, a pizza out when she needed it (restaurants didn't happen much back in the day) making lunch for her toddler when she was so sick in her second pregnancy, and washing her kitchen floor when she couldn't bend over. But, I really had no idea of how hard it is being a parent. When babies are little and you are so sleep deprived that you can hardly string a sentence together, you think that once your baby sleeps through the night, your life will just magically become easier again. Ha! The sleep deprivation is just the first on a long list of worries. Then the list may encompass the worry that they don't say much or eat enough. Then you add the concerns over biting other kids or throwing everything that can be picked up. Do they play well with others? Do they pay attention in class? Can they read well enough to write the journal sentences? Can they participate in team sports? The list is endless. And....it doesn't seem to get easier. Sure, you're not having to watch a crawling baby navigate the world or making sure that a baby gets enough milk when you decide to quit nursing, but, it looks like it changes to other psychological mind-fucks that just seems to get harder as the kids get older. Because you're not in control of their life anymore. You can't tell them when to sleep, when to eat, how to play nice, or the best way to sit on a potty. You have to watch them learn through making their own mistakes and poor decisions. Then it appears that you have to sit and listen to them pour out their heartbreak without saying 'I told you so'.
I remember asking a friend who had a baby before me if she felt she was working harder than before her baby when she worked a job with physically and mentally handicapped adults. Her answer? Yes. She felt she was absolutely working harder than she ever had in her life before. Three kids later and I totally agree. Those 16 2 and 3 year olds that I taught before my boys came along were hard work, but here's the difference - I got to give them back at 6pm. I didn't work weekends. I got sick days and vacation days. And I could discipline them fairly without feeling guilty. I got paid for that gig!! Now I am paid with giggles and smiles. I am rewarded with the hope that I am (hopefully) preparing these 3 boys for the world. And while I may not sufficiently detach emotionally when I try to discipline, I think I am teaching them that emotions are part of what makes us human. And that no matter what, I will love them until the day I die. And hopefully they will remember all that and if i am lucky they will do the same for their children.